RECOVERY CHRONICLES XXIV
So Betty’s white cell blood count was what they called “extremely” low. Her first chemo session knocked it down. She can very easily catch any little sickness bug that is flying around. Don’t go out in public and don’t be around large crowds they told us. If the next week on Friday her counts were not way up, she couldn’t take her chemo treatments. She couldn’t take the medicine that will save her life. Now the white cells fight off infection. They’re the good guys! Without them you’ll likely end up with the flu, a cold or whatever is in the air because you have nothing with which to fend them off. Those things can sometimes even cause death because your body cannot fight them. Chemo is so hard and nasty to your body, that not only does it kill cancer cells, but it also attacks the white blood cells. It’s like collateral damage. The good gets annihilated along with the bad. The average white cell count in a normal person is 5000 to 10,000. Last Friday, Betty’s count was 600. So we and many of you began to pray. I set my sights on 2500. “Lord just get her to 2500.”
Years ago, in high school, (I guess I could have left out the phrase, ‘years ago.’ I suppose at my age, that was implied!) Anyway, a long time ago in a faraway land, I had a date with this really great looking girl. I had a fair number of dates in school, but this one was different. This one said yes to the date the first time I asked her and I didn’t have to promise her money or jewelry like the others. The problem was, I had spent most of my cash on some important stuff like, Butch Wax, a mood ring and a pair of paisley print pants from K-Mart during a blue light special. (If you don’t understand anything that I just mentioned, stop reading now and continue playing X-Box) I was broke with a hot date. I went to my dad and said, “Hey dad, you are looking really good! Did you loose a few pounds? And that Vitalis really brings out the natural gloss to your hair!” He looked at me and said, “How much money are we talking here?” He was so intuitive! Ten bucks would be great I said, though I really wanted more. He reached for his billfold, pulled out a ten dollar bill and gave it to me. I couldn’t believe it was that easy. I felt like I had really worked him. I was so excited until as I was walking off, I heard him say, “I had a twenty if you had asked.” Sometimes we limit ourselves.
But apparently there were people this week, not near so pitiful as me, who didn’t want to limit God to a puny little number like 2500. They were apparently bold enough to ask for more. To ask for the much larger numbers. To ask for 20’s instead of 10’s. Now those are the people I want to start hanging out with. I was on the road to Alabama when Betty called from the hospital with her blood count. Instead of asking how high her counts were, I asked how low they were. (sometimes I’m a glass half empty kind of guy!) She shouted into the phone, “9400!.” At first I thought that was our chemo bill for the week! 9400 was the white cell count! That’s the high end of a normal person without chemotherapy drugs coursing through their body! Thank you sweet warriors, (Is that an oxymoron?) for your faithful prayers. We’re just getting started on this new road of life, but we have so many people who are walking with us, that sometimes it’s wonderfully crowded.
P.S. The hot date’s name was Betty. Best ten dollars I ever borrowed!
RECOVERY CHRONICLES XXIII
HEY!!! The infection in the port is subsiding! We are very thrilled. Thank you all for praying for Betty this week. She’s doing great and feeling much better. Her white cell count is very low. 600 at last count. She can’t go out in public right now for fear of catching someone’s cold and not being able to fight it off. But she says she couldn’t ask for anything better than to be cooped up in the house with me for weeks at a time. That made me feel good until I started thinking about the phrase “cooped up.” I looked it up and it means, “An uncomfortably confined space. An enclosure with a claustrophobic nature.” So…I’m good with that.
We’ve encountered some wonderful experiences in the last few months of Betty’s illness. Her taste buds are going crazy with all the medicine and chemo, so we’ve tried to find food items that taste good to her. So far the best things are potato chips and lemon drops. Go figure! So a few nights ago, after we’re already dressed for bed, she asks if we have any potato chips. We keep them in a cabinet above the stove and she can’t raise her arms very well to reach anything that’s high, so I have to get anything that’s up, down. I looked and we were out of chips. She said, “Well what I’m really hungry for is french fries.” I said, “Hey, I can do french fries! We have potatoes, we have oil and believe it or not, I know where the skillet is. I’ll make you some french fries.” She said that it was too much trouble and it would be a lot of clean up and just forget that she said anything. I told her I didn’t mind and it would make me happy to do something for her. As I’m reaching for the potatoes, she said, “You know, by the time you cut those potatoes and fry those fries and clean up the mess, you could drive to Wal-Mart and get me some potato chips. I said, “Betty dear, it’s after midnight and it’s cold outside and I’m already in my sleeping pants. There’s no way I’m going to Wal-Mart to get chips!”
So… I’m on my way to Wal-Mart to get chips…. when I think, there might be some other things we really need and are out of that I should pick up while I’m there. I call Betty, she says “Yes, there we are dangerously low on ice cream.” I have never used any form of the word dangerous along with the words ice cream in the same phrase. Ice cream and danger just aren’t sentence buddies. I mean you can be dangerously low on heart medicine. Or, even dangerously low on toilet paper, but ice cream? Well I certainly didn’t want to be the cause of any danger while we were “cooped up” together, so I put ice cream on the list.
I got to the chip aisle at Wal-Mart and was amazed at the various types of potato chips that were available. Flat, rippled, canned, original, bar-b que, vinegar, blue cheese, and the list just went on and on. So I bought one of each. I’m telling you, that’s a lot of chips. The lady at the check out counter looked at me and said, “So you’re having a party?” I said no, that these were just for my wife. She asked, “Is she pregnant?” I said,.....“Uh….yes she is.” She stared at me for the longest time. I guess she thought that “Abraham” story was happening all over again. Then I told her that really my wife had been recently diagnosed with cancer and potato chips were all that tasted good right now. She looked at me and smiled and said that she would pray for my wife. Now a lot of people have told me that they would pray for Betty and a lot of people have. Most pray at church or at home or at the hospital for her. As I was about to tell her thank you, she just started praying. Right then and there. With every potato chip that Wal-Mart stocks piled up on the counter, with ice cream melting in the carton, this lady began praying. She didn’t wait until later when she was at home or in her car, she cranked it out right there. It was the sweetest prayer and it was from her heart. She prayed for healing and comfort for my wife and that I might be all I needed to be to her in this hour. It was beautiful. I am so glad I went for chips at midnight. It’s the first time I’ve ever been blessed at Wal-Mart! Those Christians are everywhere! Thank you all for your prayers. They’re working beautifully. We’re home in our “coop” just resting in Him. We love you all!
RECOVERY CHRONICLES XXII
She cried tonight. Not one of those big heart wrenching waling cries, but just a long steady stream of tears and sobs. We, so far, have had our cries at different times. My last one was two days ago in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I don’t even know what triggered it but I got out of the car and the weight of the last three months just hit me. It slammed me like a tsunami wave, fast and out of nowhere. So I’m just out there by myself, leaning against the car crying. I had not control over the whole ordeal whatsoever. Tonight was Betty’s turn. She had an under the skin “port” surgically implanted last week to help administer the chemotherapy. That way, we don’t have to have an IV stick two and three times a week. This week, the port became infected, and depending on whether or not they can stop the infection, we may lose it. She took antibiotics for the problem and they have caused a really bad rash to break out on her neck and shoulders. One thing seems to stack upon another and another and sometimes it overwhelms all at once. That happened this evening. I have spent a wonderful lifetime loving and holding this woman. She is my sanity, my best friend, my dreams and the love of my life, all in one package. Tonight, I instantly went to her to hold her and brush away the tears. I so wanted to pull her close to me and hold her tight. To put my arms around her and lay my head on her shoulder. But, her chest is in pain from the double mastectomy, her left arm still hurts from the removal of lymph nodes. Her right side is swollen from the infected port and her hands still ache from all the needles that have stuck her. I knelt beside her chair and ever so gently held her head next to mine. I carefully folded my right hand around hers and gently squeezed and that was all I could do without hurting her. I don’t know how long we were there. Just until the tears ceased. Just until a calm returned to us both. We had talked earlier today about things that we wanted to do in life and places we wanted to go. We discussed far away places, exotic islands, and other countries. When we got through dreaming, we both decided, as we have hundreds of times over the years, that the only place we really wanted to be was with each other. That’s what makes anywhere good, the fact that we are side by side in it. Since Betty is here, in this place of hurt, in this land of sickness, then there is no where else I want to be than right here in it with her. Many times in the last few months, she has apologized for me having to go through this with her. She’s sorry for ME! Hey baby, it’s my privilege just to walk beside you on this journey. There really is no other place I would rather be, or will be. You will cry again, and I will be here for you. You will hurt again, and I will be here for you. It’ not my job. It’s my joy. That’s what you do for the love of your life. That crazy little verse that says, “The two shall become as one,” is not a commandment, it’s a prophecy. A wonderful, mysterious truth from the very heart of God. There really is no me, apart from you. I am blessed with you, and you are stuck with me!
Thank you for checking on us again. Thank you for your prayers. Please pray that we can keep this port for the treatment. If you would pray that specifically for her today, I would ever so appreciate it. We love you all.
RECOVERY CHRONICLES XXI
Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2012
Well I thought maybe that our blogs had ended for Betty’s journey since we started chemotherapy treatment last week, but so many wonderful things keep happening that I wanted to tell you about. Many of you have written us asking that we keep you up on what’s going on with the treatment phase, so maybe we’ll keep going a little longer. Last week, Betty and I went to “Chemo Class.” I haven’t been to a class in a really long time. In my mind I was already trying to figure out how to get out of it. Back in Jr. High I’d just put the thermometer under hot water and tell my mom I had a fever. I tried that with our new digital thermometer and in one second it registered 145 degrees. Betty didn’t buy it. Technology sometimes disgusts me. The old reliable standard, “the dog ate my homework,” obviously didn’t apply because we hadn’t been to class yet and consequently, no homework had been assigned. But I thought I would hold that one in reserve in case this was a two or more part course requirement and home work was a possibility. Of course my dog only weighs 4 pounds, so he probably couldn’t eat a whole paper. Maybe a note card or two. I named him “Rolex,” because he’s a “watchdog!” OK, back on track. So, we went to the chemo class with our notebooks and questions. We were the only two people who showed up for the course. Others had called in and said they were running fevers! The nurse began with some things we should know about the facility we would receive treatment in and then came the video. It told us of all the possible side effects from the drugs and how to deal with each issue. Oh my! I’ve never heard of so many side effects. It’s like they came up with every possible and probable problem you could have with drugs and then they made up a few extra in case you came up with a new symptom. “Can cause constipation and diarrhea.” Is that at the same time? If so, then it seems like they’d just cancel each other out and you’d be regular. Well, your know, normal. “Can cause loss of appetite and weight gain.” At the same time? Wait! Here we go again. Which is it? I mean how sad would it be to finally get your appetite knocked down and then balloon up like you went on a Twinkie binge…...without enjoying the wonderful, smooth, velvety, succulent deliciously creamy center of that luscious, delectable, flavor-exploding cake! That’s just a thought that ran through my mind. Anyway, the class was very eye-opening. It gave us some great information on what to expect after chemo. The number one problem, vomiting. Not just the normal stomach virus kind, but a really wrenching, drawn out kind. It could happen the day of treatment or in the next three days after treatment. Betty began treatment on Friday, at 11:00 am. We had a little glitch about 1:00 pm. She had a slight allergic reaction to one of the drugs, but they got it under control and slowed the drip down and she was fine. We left the treatment center at 5:15 that evening and we waited. Waited for what we were told was probably the inevitable. I told Betty that I was going to pray that she didn’t get sick. I told some friends to agree with me. Betty said she didn’t want to bother God with that request because He had already done so much for her. I told her…. He doesn’t work that way. It’s not like He has a quota of blessings and when it’s up, it’s up! He delights in helping us! He’s our FATHER! She said she knew that, but she just felt guilty for asking for so much. I said OK, I’ll ask and take your guilt for you! I want to thank all of you who prayed for Betty in that way. Today is Tuesday, and she hasn’t thrown up a single time!!! How great it that. It has been a sweet little gigantic blessing in the midst of so much pain that she has gone through. I like specific praying. It’s GOOD! Love to all of you.
RECOVERY CHRONICLES XX
Thursday, Jan. 5, 2012, 5:45 pm
We are praising God tonight for answered pray today. Betty’s heart test today was good and we are able to take the medicine necessary to attack the tumor cells in her body. We had so many friends praying for her today that it seemed God’s presence just hovered everywhere we went. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your intercession. We start the drug treatment tomorrow at 11:00 am. This first session of chemo will last for four hours. Betty will have one year of treatments at different stages during the year and then follow that up with radiation therapy. It will be a long year, but we will go through it and thank God for his grace and comfort in it. Thank you for reading and praying and sharing this blog with your friends. We’ve heard from people all over and it’s great to know that so many folks have stood with us. All the biopsies and surgeries and doctor visits have lead to this, the treatment phase. We are glad to be here. As we travel this new road, we will let you know from time to time how we are doing and give you our prayer concerns for Betty’s healing. Healing is what we are praying for. And as I pray, I realize that healing is really no big deal for God. He created us from dirt. We’re just walking mud packs man. And some of us are packed a little tighter than others. But what God made from dirt, he can surely fix. How He chooses to fix some and not others is still a mystery to me. I’ve told Him before that when I get to heaven, I have a lot of questions about some of these things. He told me, that when I get to heaven, none of “these things” will matter anymore. I like that! Don’t miss the big “home coming” over there. It’s gonna be great! .
This, I suppose, will be our last blog on the subject of discovering and fighting this terrible disease of cancer. Not only because we’re moving on with treatment, but that Roman Numeral thing is really getting out of hand. After XX, I’m just not totally sure of the I and V placement. I know there’s a pattern in there somewhere, but I went to Grand Saline High School, and after we counted to 20 with any number system, we were adrift. You know, once we had used all of our fingers and toes, we were pretty much in uncharted waters. We had a kid who flunked shop due to an unfortunate skill saw accident, with only 9 toes and 8 fingers. He was in trouble after 17! Thank you again for all the love you’ve shown us. Please continue to read the other blogs that I place weekly at our website. They’re listed on the home page as “David’s Thoughts.” And I realize that sometimes I don’t have as many thoughts as you’d think, but still, check with us and we’ll try to bring some truth with some fun into our writing. God has a great sense of humor, don’t miss it. Don’t let the world keep you from it. Rejoice in it and enjoy His gifts to His children. We love you all. Thank you for loving us back!
RECOVERY CHRONICLES XIX
January 4, 2012
We’ve had a great Christmas and New Year’s. Our oldest son, Josh and his wife Emily came home from Pennsylvania. Family is good. They provide a comfort that no one else can.
We’ve been comforted by many others on this journey also. So many folks have told us of their fight with this terrible disease and their victorious emergence from it’s grip. Many have told me in detail. Graphic detail! I must say that I have experienced a lot of “breast talk” in the last few months. Don’t get me wrong. I think breasts are fine. I’ve just never discussed them with women. Until now. Please understand, most all of these stories have been very beneficial to our situation. However some have been a little awkward. I was about to begin a worship service not long ago at a really great church. The crowd was gathering and I was tuning my guitar. An older lady approached me on the stage. She was dressed nicely and was very elegant in her appearance. As she got closer, she placed her hands under each of her breasts, literally jiggled them up and down a couple of times and said to me, “How do these look”?.............Uh…........Uh….... Uh…............Uh!
I have never been at a loss for words. My brain usually has something on reserve to share with my mouth at a moments’ notice. But this day, my brain said, “Hey, you’re on your own, I’m outta here”! And I really was on my own! No one came to rescue me. Those standing around me strangely disappeared. The pastor crawled under a pew! I couldn’t move and I couldn’t speak. I thought, “So this is how I will die, not by disease or accident but by embarrassment.” I find embarrassment is a very slow and agonizing way to go out. It’s like watching the Cowboys in a play-off game. You’re thinking, “Will this ever end?” She went on to tell me how that she had experienced breast cancer some twenty years ago. She had beaten the odds and God had rescued her life. She had reconstructive surgery back then and she was still doing fine today. She wanted me to have hope. She wanted to encourage me in my time of despair. It was a wonderful story, just a really strange introduction. I don’t remember what I sang that morning, or if I sang. I don’t remember exactly what the end of the service was like. But I will forever have burned, on the back side of my eye balls, the image of a uniquely sweet, wonderful lady, trying to bring comfort to my heart. “Thank you ma’am, and by the way, ya’ll looked great!”
Here’s our request of all those who read this note. Tomorrow, January 5, at 9:30 am, Betty undergoes a heart scan to see if she can tolerate a drug treatment for the aggressive tumor that was found during surgery. If her heart contains a certain protein, then the drug that can bring about a cure could stop her heart during the administration of it and can’t be used. Please pray that the scan will prove negative for this protein, and we can began treatment immediately. Please pray for her specifically in this matter. Then we’ll take the next step. They come one at a time. Thank you for laughing and crying with us. Occasionally, we do both at the same time. Check back tomorrow and we’ll tell you where we are. Thank you for your help and concern. We love you all.